What should I do if I am planning to leave home because of domestic abuse?
If you are planning to leave home, whether temporarily or permanently, or have to leave suddenly, you can be greatly assisted by being prepared. You can plan where you and your children will go, how you will get there and what you would take. The following checklist may help:
- Have important telephone numbers available (Freephone 24 Hour Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 200 247, local domestic abuse services and refuge organisations, friends, family)
- Keep birth and marriage certificates, passports, medical cards together or copies in a safe place
- Keep benefit books, bank and building society books handy
- Have rent or mortgage details written out
- Carry change, phone care or mobile phone (with credit and charged battery) all the time
- Carry your driving license, car registration and details of car insurance
- Hide some money, credit/debit cards or open own savings account
- Hide or leave spare keys to house and car with someone
- Have necessary medication for yourself and your children ready
- Have someone write out a statement of your situation in English, if English is not your first language
- Photograph of abuser (useful for serving court documents)
- Decide what to do about personal items or valuables i.e. family photos are often important later
- Have a bag packed with change of clothes, toiletries, toys etc hidden or at someone else’s house
- Plan to take all the children that you wish to have with you (the longer they are left at home with the perpetrator, the harder it is to get them later)
- Talk to the children about the situation
- Talk to friends or family about staying in an emergency
- Be ready to call 999 if you or your children are in danger
- Tell people you trust about the abuse
- Talk to agencies i.e. a solicitor about your legal rights, or the GP, Midwife, Health Visitor etc
- Develop and keep reviewing your safety plan if there is risk of abuse. For example, avoid some rooms during an attack (kitchen, bathrooms or anywhere with potential weapons or no exit. Think about all possible escape routes i.e. windows, doors, stairs (if possible, practice with your children before needed)
- Ask neighbours and friends to call 999 if the see or hear anything that could mean you are in danger. (think about what you would shout or scream if attacked)
- Teach the children to call 999 and ask for the police. Talk to the children about staying safe, how they get out and where they should go
If you decide to leave, a health practitioner could help with some things you could do before you go, including:
Help you think about a place you can go where you will be safe or where the abuser will not look for you, such as to a friend or relative (only if it is safe), to a hotel, or refuge, or to another town or city. You can also ask the Housing
Department, Homeless Persons Unit or Social Services for help. You should plan now and make a back up plan. You should also:
• Seek legal advice
• Put some money away in a safe place, a little at a time
• Move some things out, a little at a time (for example, identification and other things that may not be noticed, or take copies of them)
• Keep a diary and record the abusive incidents (only if you can do this safely, in a hiding place or a safe address)
At any stage you can, make careful notes of everything that has happened, including times, dates, names and what everyone said. If you are able to keep a diary, it can help you to remember. If you were injured, you, the GP or other health practitioner might record all of the details, including:
• Exactly where you received the injuries (for example, the upper thigh)
• How you were hurt (for example, by a fist or boot)
• How many times you were hit
• How severe you injuries were (for example, bruises or cuts requiring stitches)
These notes are very important. They may help you access legal rights, welfare rights and benefit you and your children. Keep them in a safe place.
• Identification including benefit books or evidence of benefits, medical cards, legal papers (like court orders, marriage certificate, passports, birth certificates, drivers license)
• Proof of your housing situation e.g. mortgage paper, tenancy agreement, a bill with your name and address, rent book
• Money for fares, credit or debit cards, cheque book if possible
• Clothing for two or three days in a bag which is not too heavy
• Things of special personal value (like writing, photos)
• A few of the children’s favourite toys, books or games
• Toiletries, nappies, sanitary towels, medications
• Any proof of the abuse, like notes, photos, taped messages, your diary, crime reference numbers, names and numbers of professionals who know
Especially if there is a residence or contact order, or a parental responsibility order in place, you might consult a solicitor who specialises in child and family work before leaving, or as soon as possible after leaving with the children. It may prevent a missing persons investigation or an emergency order being issued by the abuser for the children’s return. Ideally, you might leave a note which says that you have left with the children, that they are safe and that you will contact the non-resident parent in the near future (you should keep a copy of the note).
You can also contact the Freephone 24 hour domestic violence helpline (0808 2000 247) or voluntary organisations in your area, or statutory agencies such as the police, social services or the housing department.
In an emergency always dial 999